Life....

Yep been a whole month since I sat down here to write. Yes life has been that busy. School has finished and summer vacation has started. Big decisions have been made. Great discoveries have also been made. Who knew what a crazy school year this would be.

We finished foster care classes and had our first set of foster care children. I still struggle if I sit and think too much about it with feeling like I failed. Yet at the same time I know we learned so much in that experience and in hind sight it was not the right time. We are putting our names back on the list. We will do one girl who is younger than Gracie. We know it makes the chances very small but we know that is what our family can do. God is in control.

We had an overgrown garden removed which started my 3 month battle with recurring bronchitis. It eventually led to me seeing the allergist. The diagnosis- asthma, allergies and chronic bronchitis. The treatment- some different meds and allergy shots. So far we have had to step back once on the shots because of a bad reaction. We will not know how the shots have worked until fall.

The flood of huge struggles going on with friends and family over the last year have burdened my heart and mind and sent me to the Lord in prayer. The mass amount of things that have been thrown into our path...flooded basement, crashed hard drive, etc. Some things have resolved and others have not, personally and for others. <Sigh> If only we could just fix everyone's problems and make life easy. 

Stepping up to the call the Lord was putting on me to be the coordinator for ASK. We are still praying that we will be able to get it started in January of 2012. I have struggled with doubt numerous times. Doubt that we will be able to get it started. Doubt that He called me, that I heard it right. Dumb doubts.

A friend gave me a book that she highly recommended after reading my post about Gracie. She was one of the few who has witnessed one of these melt downs. Sadly I blew off her I understand at the time. I had the book for a week before I decided to read the book. I just doubted that it would be helpful. God is good! The first chapter I just kept saying this example explains Gracie's melt downs to the T. The book opened my eyes. Basically the Doctor who wrote the book learned that some kids are immature or developmentally behind in some key areas which lead to the melt downs. Dr Greene's The Explosive Child helped me look at the melt downs in a whole new way. He says these explosive children are easily frustrated and chronically inflexible. Yep that is Gracie. The quote that follows I think is a good summary of the book from the author's website.  "Understanding why a kid is exhibiting challenging behavior is one of the most important parts of helping him or her. Challenging behavior occurs when the demands of the environment exceed the skills a kid has to respond adaptively to those demands. So your first goal is to identify the specific lagging skills that are making it difficult for the challenging kid you're trying to help to respond adaptively to the demands being placed upon him or her. Viewing challenging behavior through the "lenses" of lagging skills is much more accurate, compassionate, and productive. Your next goal is to identify the specific conditions (these are called unsolved problems) under which challenging behavior is occurring. In other words, with whom, over what, where, and when are challenging episodes occurring? It's very hard to do Plan B without knowing the specific problems you're trying to solve. The goal of intervention is to solve those problems... collaboratively."    http://www.cpsconnection.com/node/10  He also has an awesome worksheet to help you figure out what the lagging skills are. One of the most helpful things he said was that it is often said to the parents when they search for help that they need to discipline better. Yep that is what I was told and it hurt and made me doubt myself. Ron is reading the book now.

We know that one of the stressers for Gracie is being away from me. For the last month of school she would ask every day if she could be home schooled because she did not like going to school and being away from me. After much prayer we have decided to do just that. Next year she will be home schooled. I am excited and scared all at the same time. I have spent a good bit of time talking to others who I know who home school and reading. Since school has ended for the year she has only had a few minor melt downs, no major ones!

Through all the turns, twists and ups and downs God has been here with me. Sometimes walking with me, sometimes carrying me and sometimes pushing me. Always with me, even when I doubted, questioned and tried to hide. I was just telling a friend today that I have been trying to keep Phillipians 3:14 "I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." in the forefront of my mind. That is going to be my verse for the next year I think. Hold me to it! Make me accountable to that.